It sucks that just as I started to move on and not care, you started to show a tiny bit of effort.
I mean, I’m starting to become okay with the idea of us just being friends. Like, I think we’ll make better friends than anything else. But, if we hang out again and something happens, I’m going to go back to square one, I know it, I feel it.
I think because I don’t have anything to distract me from the pain. So many times in the last 2 months I felt strong, I felt like if I saw you, I’d be okay, I could look at you, have a civil conversation and tell you that my life is fine without you.
But, my distraction is disappearing. And lately, I’ve become weaker. I almost texted you Saturday and Sunday. I wanted to just say hi. But, I didn’t. I had to shove my phone away.
The last two days haven’t been too great. It’s very hard to act happy. I’m so tired. I’m so tired of trying to act happy when I’m not. It’s hard to breathe, I think because a little part of me doesn’t want to. I left work early today. I’m thinking of calling out tomorrow. I need a mental health day. I need a mental health month, maybe a year. I’m so tired. I could sleep forever… I want to…